Today was a day of multiple parcels. In the afternoon came some Tassimo pods and an accu chek thing for B. Then in the evening I received a new coat. At first I thought it was a pillow. Now I am 22stone I’ve kind of left the world of stylish coats behind but this one is good. I think it’s from my mum.

I’ve been processing a lot today.

I realised my friend LM was a good friend. Why did the friendship decay? I dunno. It’s possible she could be back but maybe in a zen way we have to accept that things end?!?! For no apparent reason people or societies lose their will or raison d’etre.

My friend always said I was a poet who should care about the ways of honey bees and grasses not the 24 hour news cycle. Yet I feel myself dredged into the whirlpool of 24 hour a day news and also the treadmill of money making. Part of the problem is my partner is a business man. He works on a small margin and everything is expensive. Yet life can be full of so many beautiful free things and experiences. It is kind of like a chain or treadmill. I don’t wanna leave my partner so what do I do? Maybe at least I could forge a separate path/identity.

I feel like Western society is in many ways punitive but then Middle Eastern society is maybe even more punitive? Eastern society can be punitive too (death by a thousand cuts). I guess society does sometimes ease off but most of settled human history seems to be about people getting knotted about what other people do or don’t do. It’s like in America where people are handed multiple life sentences. It just seems so barbaric yet consrvative folks seem to feel more secure in this world of harsh punishments.

I’m tired now. I just puked up my medication.

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