I’m awake. I’m listening to classic FM. It’s 2:35am. I need to shower but I can’t be bothered.

Half finished novel I can’t be arsed to read.

Life in general…

I feel like I ought to be painting on a bigger canvas. I ought to be an architect or at least an artist. I do occasionally create stuff but This runs into the reality that I am obscure and unlikely to market any of my little projects. I’m medicated too and kind of stuck in a perpetual grey zone of dependency on my partner.

The economics of my life don’t really work I so far just manage to keep feeding my creditors enough to keep them at bay in a constant game of whacksmole. I am hopeless with finances anyway and instead of paying off a recent credit card I imported a £300 statue of a Ballerina from Valencia for my gran’s 93rd birthday.

I have to find a way out of this rubic Cube.


Most days I laze a lot.

I feel like I should be living in a commune in Berlin.

I have no chutzpah left.

All I have is grey brain chemistry.

I’m like an old t shirt.


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