self esteem

I attended an online New York Times event (see picture). It was weird because there were these 4 bright eyed journalists and you could see their clothes and see into their homes and I thought “I don’t have clothes like that” I don’t even really get to choose what to wear I just throw on a pair of scruffy track pants and one of a collection of about 3 oversize t shirts.

I was thinking I bet each of these people earns over $100,000. They can afford a new phone, a car, an apartment in New York? Maybe they are over worked? Maybe they were the best and brightest to work for the New York Times.

Maybe I am jealous because I don’t have nice stuff. I don’t even mean acquisitive stuff like Rolex watches and gold bars. I just mean the simple vanity of being able to wear an outfit and feel nice or cool or to live in a room that is spacious and well appointed.

It kinda sucks.

I don’t get why I am how I am.

I can’t concentrate for one thing.

Maybe I’m a basket case???

All the stuff about Israel in the news is odd. I went there years ago for a trip and I know some of the layout.

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