1. I just feel so empty. I know in life we don’t have to prove anything to anyone but I have no career, no money, no property…(the list goes on) none of the things that make you a valid adult. I’m not sure I even like much anymore. I used to read but my attention span has been on the slide for ages. I liked chatting to the guy in the grocery shop but when he found out I was attracted to him he asked me not to text. The world tells you you have to be some kind of entrepreneur or big shot but I couldn’t even learn Japanese in ten years. I know this is a whinge fest but I’m just an average guy who happens to be gay who is not very special. I can’t seem to make new connections. Like I could get a job outside my partner but what would a 40 year old frump do? I can’t code. I dunno I’m just a bit nothing really.


      2. It’s not a whinge fest. You hope for more out of life and it’s not happening. My son I think had similar feelings, they’re pretty hard to deal with. It’s when your hopes and expectations for yourself don’t meet the reality of your life. I think a lot of us look for purpose within, like, if I can just learn to look at it differently, or change something or whatever, but it’s like pushing rocks uphill. Being involved in something you care about, that adds value or makes things better for other people, and that brings you into positive contact with other people, might help. Career and property and money etc matter but the ultimate self worth kick is, I made a difference.


      3. To add to that, my son died this year, at 26. He tried to medicate himself and made a fatal mistake. Now I feel like I’m a failure, and that life holds nothing for me, because I didn’t manage to keep him alive. But I keep trudging on, mainly because I have a daughter. You’re not nothing. You’re unique and worthwhile, you just have to work out how to shine your light on the world, and that’s nothing to do with age or cash, it’s about making someone happier because you’re here. If you need help, find someone who can help, but the key is looking out, not in. I have books to finish, that helps me, but I still struggle. Btw I’m not religious, worse luck for me.


      4. Thanks. I think quite a few people die like that, not realising how close death really is. I’m really sorry about your brother. Can I ask, how do you feel about it now?


      5. It’s not quite the same thing but I’ve taken an overdose twice before. I really wish I hadn’t. Apparently I was lucky to survive. —— Sometimes I feel like my brother’s death has robbed me of foundation. Other times I don’t think about it. He was a very volatile character anyway like he was destined to come to a sticky end. Maybe like life couldn’t contain him. He flung himself against the walls of life. He had a violent streak and he scared me at times. He often used to argue with my dad. Horrible arguments. He was a very difficult personality. That said I wouldn’t wish what happened. He hanged himself at his flat.


      6. That’s an awful thing to happen, with your brother, but I know what you mean about some people being cut out for a difficult life. It sounds like both of you had issues you were trying to confront…I guess you don’t generally overdose unless you’re trying to medicate something away? But I wouldn’t really know, I’m terribly ignorant and inexperienced in terms of drugs.


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