I feel down (system of a down)

I feel down.

I feel like I do not have enough people in my life. Enough quality people. Enough people full stop.

I feel low about it. I feel like Ash and I are isolated. It’s up to use to crank the gear stick of sociality amongst family and scattered friends. Family and particularly friendships seem dysfunctional and at odds.

I sometimes feel like I am going mad in an isolation cell. I work for my partner and despite having gotten numerous documentaries commissioned I have no income or status of my own beyond being employed by my partner’s company. I lurch from paying one bill to the next with no financial future and diminishing health and time running out. Yet I am luckier than a lot of people.

Our interlocking societies are really deeply deeply crazy. Structured as they are by power and war.

I have no answer to it.

Maybe I shouldn’t try to fix it.

I find fragments of what I want to say but they elude me.

The world is a complex pattern.

My ex friend said “treat life as a buffet” “heap your plate with the things you like and leave the things you don’t”.

Maybe wise words?!?

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