With my quasi-academic essays I feel I am largely talking to myself.
When I did the masters in 2020 the lecturers were very distant and frosty figures compounded by the fact the course was being delivered online because of covid. Even the TA’s were arrogant. I remember cracking a joke with one junior lecturer and it just fell completely flat.
The other students were very competitive, although they were superficially polite there was a ferocious competitiveness and also a divide between those who were funding track and those who were self funding.
I felt like I got on well with 3 or 4 people in my cohort but as soon as I dropped out I was kind of dropped like an extremely hot and greasy potato. There was a what’s app kind of group but as soon as I quit the course I felt I had to vacate it. The pressure was too much really.
I am attending this AJJ conference (Anthropology of Japan in Japan) to do a 5 minute spiel about my documentary work. So far no one from the conference has been in touch with me with details even though I asked them if the would like to see a text of what I am going to talk about.
In a way I would like to create a work of non fiction outside the confines of the university system. I found the essay I wrote about friendship last night flowed well but it’s rare that I get that level of inspiration.
At the same time the world is kind of dropping to pieces. What space is there for a beatnik academic in a cut throat university job market in a hyper-capitalistic hyper-status and ego driven society. Not to mention the dizzying levels of political correctness and cultural Marxism.
It’s all a bit of a nightmare really to be honest. Why even try. The system is broken. I’m just a bipolar reject. With my mad ideas.?