more days

This morning I went to the the film ‘Spencer’ at the local cinema. I found how it resolved quite cathartic and I felt like I related to the character of Diana.

B is very grumpy. Sometimes I feel like he is incapable of enjoying life. Its tough because I feel strongly that there is no magic time in the future when we will have peace/money/security/time. You kind of have to enjoy life as it goes along. B allows himself to be triggered and go into spirals of moaning and being wound up about the least little thing. Anyway its his birthday soon so can’t be too hard on him.

I did some of the online therapy course today. To be honest I found it a little facile. Its called ‘Mood Gym’ and its an Australian website. It costs like £8 to register for a year. I’ve been thinking about doing some more yoga or some Alexander technique.

I was just wondering if I am sexist? When people start talking about feminism it tends to wind me up and maybe I have an unconscious bias. I just feel like a lot of feminists are incredibly militant and simply hate men. I dont necesarily think there is much room for reconciliation with some feminist seperatists. One of my lecturers at Some Old University studied Lesbian subcultures in London and there was a streak of seperatism. My ex friend LM went through a phase of thinking I could be a ‘radical fairy’ which is like a gay or bi man who lives in an all male commune, perhaps on a farm, maybe wearing dungarees and creating like an alternative queer society. In a way America seems to be full of all kinds of communities. There was that fishing village North of San Francisco where a poetic community coalesced.

LM often recommended some form of community. I have work colleagues (although that is predicated mainly on business transactions), a handful of friends, a few neighbours who I pop in to see, a bunch of close family and whole constellation of extended family. I have some pen pals (who I have not been very good in writing to recently). I can’t imagine actually moving into an intentional community. I understand that at different times artists coalesce round different cities, so for a while it was the lofts of New York and then London became cheap for artists, then later people started moving to Berlin which had cheap housing and funding for artists. But to be honest I am not hip to which are the cool places to migrate to as an artist. Maybe its somewhere in Eastern Europe? I couldnt really envisage moving onto a farm but maybe moving into a boho neighbourhood in Paris or Berlin would be ok. Then again I live in Manchester and I dont really associate with the hip people here. And anyway virtually every world city has become over heated and over priced and every slacker sat in a coffee shop dreams they are a blogger???

Hmmm…

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